Noughties kids.

hey peoples.

So I know that I barely scrape calling myself a Nineties kid (’96 lawds) but I still like I’ve the right to rant about a particular affliction that has been in the world for a startling 12 and half years now.

That’s right, I’m talking about Noughties kids.

The realisation hit me earlier this year, now that some of them were 12, Noughties kids had finally infiltrated our school. But I don’t care about the fact that they have inescapably reached the pains of adolescence, oh no. I’m more concerned about their blissful childhoods.

I’m sure a lot of you remember play-dough. That gorgeous smelling stuff that they tried to convince you wasn’t edible? Who could forget it. It was a massive part of many of our childhoods, making atrocious representations of dogs, cats and rhinos. But wait, what’s this? It seems children no longer need to struggle to make their creation recognisable. They have been granted the gift of stencils and stamps. Stencils and stamps?? Where is fun of play-dough if all you have to do is press down on a piece of plastic! Not mention there is even a plastic doo-hickey to make sausages! When we were young we had to roll them sausages ourselves! No matter how many times it broke or fell apart, we had to do it from scratch, no excuses! And don’t get me started on how long it took to make a perfect square. But of course, there’s a plastic gizmo for that now too. Just lovely.

And what about Lego? Improvising in so many ways in an attempt to make square objects into a life-like creature or some form of vehicle. But really by creature I just a table looking thing with a square ‘head’ on one side, and by vehicle I mean a box with wheels. But it worked. We had this beautiful thing called our imagination to make it work. But now, all they have to do is follow a step-by-step guild to make a perfect replica of planes, trains and cars? It’s not even that complicated, it’s do-able. Do-able! If you had told me a couple years ago that to making a model of a helicopter out of Lego was do-able, I would have laughed in your face. There’s no work involved, no creativity in following a manual. And trust me, as someone who NEVER reads the instructions, I can tell you, you need to read them, unless you’re insane or a genius. And what happens if you lose a piece? And remember these are children, they lose things. Well quite frankly, You’re fucked. F.U.C.K fucked.

And whatever happened to Barbie anyway? Last time I looked in the Argos catalogue, she barely took up half a page! That’s an insult to the idol of so many of my generation! And sure, maybe she wasn’t the best role model, being ever so slightly under weight with bleach blonde hair, but she’s sure as hell better than Bratz dolls. At least Barbie had a decent anatomy structure, unlike that stick thin bauble-headed monstrosity! And what’s with the clothes they get to wear? All those ripped jeans and glittery tank tops, god I’d be happy if I owned the half of them. But I gotta stand by my home girl, Barbie’s frumpy dresses mightn’t have been the most stylish choice, but when we were young she was the prettiest thing around! Aside from our mammies of course.

But I guess that’s just it isn’t it. Nothing stays young forever. And god knows what kind of horrors the Teenies kids will have to put up with (is Teenies the official name for this decade? If it’s not, it should be)

Anyway, that’s all for now folks, see yas in four weeks!

-teri.