The Future? Pfth!

Taz here.

Sorry for the delay-but with the strike and everything...

Over the past few weeks, my thoughts have been consumed with college.

Yes, you heard me right, college. As you may remember from the introduction, I'm fifteen, and in transition year. Is it too early to be putting stuff down in concrete?

Honestly, I don't know.

For about two years now, I've wanted to be an artist when I grow up. The key words here being "when I grow up." The future always seems so far off, and the time between now and leaving school always feels like a long stretch of road, meandering way off into the distance. You know the end must be there, but is there really a point spending the entire journey concentrating on the destination? I've freely shared this opinion with everyone who asks about my plans. I claim I'm someone who likes to "live in the present," and that I'm concentrating on art, yes, but I'm in transition year-Cut me some slack. Anyway, what's the point in drawing maps I may not want to follow in two years?

It all changed one evening over the Christmas holidays, when I sat myself down at my computer. My intentions were clear in my mind: to find out what art colleges were in Ireland, so I'd at least only look a little bit clueless next time I was quizzed about the future. So I researched.

From what I gathered, there are a good few places in Ireland you can study art, with the National College of Art Dublin (NCAD) being the main one. From there, I started getting confused. I had been aware before hand that you have to prepare a portfolio (a collection of some of your artwork) if you wish to go into art, but I was unsure about how to do about making one. But I thought hey, that’s what fifth year is for, right?

So I pushed it to the back of my head, where it sat unthought-of, along side memories of my Twihard days and what I'd do if I met Darren Criss while I was wearing my retainer.

I had an art class my first day back at school, so I asked my teacher when she thought I should start working on my portfolio.

Typically, her answer was a resounding, "NOW."

Thankfully, another girl in my class is planning on NCAD. Overhearing, she tells me that she's attending a course in Dublin this summer, in which NCAD will be giving her the heads up on how to do a portfolio. According to her mom, a lot of people don't do their portfolio 'till sixth year and end up failing their mocks. From what I understand, she's one of those awesome people who have mega supportive parents. (Not that mine aren't great, once I convinced them it was what I had my heart set on, they accepted the whole art thing.) As I write this, I'm hoping to attend the summer course.

Being an artist-it's something I want to do. And I don't want to give it up, and have to look back one day when I'm working in a box job and think, "What if?" But what if I'm giving myself tunnel vision, focusing on only one thing? Am I leaving other options open for myself? Am I being stupid thinking I'd ever be good enough to make it out there?

Jesus, this sounds like a diary entry.