Why Nobody Hates Twilight More Than Robert Pattinson

Taz here.

I have to be upfront about something. But bear with me, I can explain! Some of you may leave this blog and never come back after the following sentence:

I used to be a Twihard.

For those not in the know, Twihards are... Twilight fans. Except, they’re not like normal fangirls. No. They’re violent, extreme and obsessive. They’re lives consist of flailing, reading twilight fanfiction, eagerly awaiting any new instalment in the saga, and attacking non-fans in a hostile manner. Sometimes, they sleep. Often, they don’t. Similar to Charlie Sheen, they adapt an “I don’t sleep, I wait,” way of living.

Being a Twihard was not an easy life. But I’m recovering. I no longer take out my axe at the quietest whisper of “Twilight sucks.” (I no longer carry an axe on my person, for that matter.) I can now resist the urge to scream and die when I see Robert Pattinson and his unwashed mop of hair on my screen. Often, I even sleep.

Older and somewhat wiser, I can look back on my Twihard days and laugh. Because really, argue all you want that the Twilight Saga is the best book series in the world, and that the movies are masterpieces. There are hundreds of agreements to contradict such statements. But what I always find humour in is the fact that the eleven year old me-who thought anyone who could hate Twilight must be a horrible, vile, monster-never actually figured out that nobody hates Twilight more than Robert Pattinson.

When they signed up for Twilight, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were under the impression they’d be starring in a small, indie film. They got the latter right, but small it was not. As you know, Twilight became huge, taking Stewart and Pattinson with it. Forcefully. By the hair.

Remember when the only people who knew who Robert Pattinson was were Cedric Diggory fans? Back in those days, Pattinson once made his co-star, Harry Potter’s Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) read the whole Twilight series after he lost a bet. A cruel, barbaric punishment, many would call it.

Though as it turned out, our dear ol' Patz had to suffer through the books in turn. (Karma, maybe?) His comments on Stephenie Meyer's literary genius range form "It was like it was a book that wasn’t supposed to be published, like reading [Stephenie Meyer's] sort of sexual fantasy," to "I feel uncomfortable reading this thing." He describes Edward's obsessive qualities as "very wrong and very strange." (For those not in the know, Edward wins Bella over through a mixture of stalking and glaring from a distance.) I doubt he's Team Edward, considering he says, "The more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself."

And would Pattinson be a fan if he wasn't in the movies? Er, no. "I would just mindlessly hate it," he claims.

None the less, I will of course be going to see Breaking Dawn in cinema. (The fist viewing was avoided for fear I'd fall off the wagon and lapse back into Twiharding.) For those of you who have no intentions to see the latest Twilight movie, here's a quick summary, according to Pattinson:

"Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby, then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that’s the second one."

If the trailer is any indication, there's bound to be some sex in it.

What do you think? Should Stephenie Meyer be burned at the stake or worshipped as the founder of the Twilightism cult?